The second (auxiliary) cognitive function is, in archetypal terms, your parent function. This is the function you can call upon when “parenting” others.

Someone who is an ENTP or ESTP type, for example, has introverted thinking (Ti) as their parent function. They use this function to help others define their problems more sharply and bring clarity to the situation.

An INFJ or ISFF has extroverted feeling (Fe) as their parent function. When advising others, they use this function to relate to the other person and understand their motivations.

Things get more complicated and nuanced, however, when factoring in the age of the other person and their relationship to you.

Keep the Hero in its proper place

When interacting with a peer that you get along with well, it is fairly easy to remain in parent function mode when providing assistance or interacting with them.

When dealing with the elderly, a vulnerable person, your own parents. or a peer that you dislike, however, it is all too easy to slip into Hero (lead) function mode instead. The hero function’s more proper role is to serve in developing your personal identity. When used in an interaction with someone you are ‘parenting,” it can overwhelm them.

For example, an INFJ has Hero introverted intuition (Ni). When they have an insight to share with someone, it is best if they filter it through their parent function first and not just blurt it out. That filtering process will quite often result in the person keeping that insight to themselves until the time is right to share it.

In their zeal to help a person in need, an ESTJ or ENTJ might overwhelm the person with too much extroverted thinking (te) style solutions.

Things get even more interesting when pondering which functions you use with your parents. Karma and baggage from childhood may trigger you to use the Hero in anger, or regress into using the Child function, all too often. When you find yourself triggered in this way, it will reveal growth opportunities. If your parent is elderly, try using your parent function with them as much as you can (assuming your relationship with them is fairly healthy).

If you find yourself feeling impatient when helping someone, or if it is obvious that you wounded them or were unable to help them, check to see if you inadvertently slipped into Hero mode instead. Of course there are more extreme situations when, in order to get through to someone, or to set a boundary, you may need to invoke your Hero, with a strong helping of Anima/Animus, and bypass the parent function.

How to (not) use your parent function with children

When interacting with young children, using your child function instead of your parent function will help you meet them at their level.

One of the ironies of parenting is that using the parent function can backfire. This is because the shadow function of the parent function (the Witch/Senex) can get activated. The Opposing Parent contains the scripts of things we received in childhood from our own parents. Complexes sometimes run amok here. Before you know it, your parent function can be overtaken by your Opposing Parent function if you aren’t conscious of it. And if the Hero function gets thrown into the mix, it will escalate into a contentious situation.

For an interesting twist, or to break a negative pattern, if you are a parent of teenagers or young adults, try tapping into the child’s parent function. You might be pleasantly surprised at how well an ISFP teenage daughter can redecorate a room for you or pick out an outfit for you in a store. A 23-year-old ESFJ son could be just the right person to plan the family next vacation. An INTJ child could help you learn the best practices of a particular video game. And so on.

An important factor of children in regards to typology is that they can help you type into your Anima/Animus (inferior function) in a healthy way. A daughter may see her father’s feminine and softer side in a way her brother, and even her mother, does not. The same is true of mothers and sons. A mother may be able to better tap into her masculine energy if she has a son.

How to parent yourself

Re-parenting – or, parenting yourself – is an important part of maturity. Eventually one has to take care of oneself and stop relying on, and blaming, their parents for their problems.

However, you can’t use the parent function to parent yourself very well. You’ll need the parent functions of others for that, along with your other three functions, especially the Hero and Anima/Animus functions.

The right archetype for the right situation

A great thing about viewing the functions as archetypes is that it makes it is easier to call upon the functions deliberately – and to avoid using a certain function – as needed,

Keep in mind no two people use the same parent function the same way, because the parent archetype means something a little different to each person, so therefore there isn’t a “right” way to use a parent function.

There is a delicate geometry involved when interacting with others and the unique expression of their own functions. Respecting this will result in fewer collisions and more harmony and self-awareness.

In typology there can tend to be a bias towards thinking over feeling and intuition over sensing, and so on.

It’s helpful to look at the strengths and weaknesses of the functions in a more neutral way instead.

In a recent TWFP video, ‘Host Eric’ Strauss talked about how there are four basic skill sets in optimization of a human being: joy, intelligence, knowledge, and wisdom.He subdivides the eight cognitive functions into these four distinct categorizations. These four descriptors can tap into profound archetypes of the soul’s character, and allow distinct manifestations of each type to come alive.  While every one of the 16 Jungian types has a distinct flavor or specialization of two of these archetypes, the psyche will naturally consist of all four of them In (at varying levels).  

Starting with the perceiving functions….

Si and Ni he referred to as being functions of ‘knowledge’, where the individual can access a vast body of information that has been either accumulated via past experience (Si) or conceptual insight (Ni).  The primary distinction between these two sources of knowledge is the following:

A prerequisite of Si-driven knowledge is that the individual directly experiences this knowledge in order that it can be referred back as a precedent that provides the Si user with an intrinsic foundation.  

Likewise, a prerequisite of Ni-driven knowledge is that the individual captures core essential qualities as derived from its wider context. As a result, we have two distinct forms of knowledge, where one form requires direct interaction and experience with the information at hand and will be somewhat hesitant to form broader speculations, while the other aims to grasp a more holistic, conceptual understanding of phenomena but does not necessarily require any precedent in order to generate speculative hypotheses about it.  

As we will see, the knowledge derived from Si and Ni will be quite distinct from the remaining cognitive functions (that serve completely distinct purposes).

In contrast to its introverted counterparts, Se and Ne are not directly aiming to attain knowledge.  Rather, their focus is to attain a sense of spontaneous joy as they live directly in the moment. However, their means towards attaining that joy will be somewhat distinct.  

Se is all about taking direct action towards acquiring experiences that matter to them. Contrastingly, Ne is not as much about the action that is taken, but rather, it is all about finding joy in spontaneously ideating novel, enticing possibilities.  The spontaneous joy of Se will be more about directly interacting with all aspects of one’s environment, including the distinct sensory stimuli involved in performing the action.

The spontaneous joy of Ne, on the other hand, will be activated by their novel ideations that they create and generate in the moment.  As a result, the fulfillment of these two functions originate from distinct sources and motivations.

Switching gears to the judging functions, Ti and Fi are considered to be functions of ‘intelligence.’  The reason for this is because both Ti and Fi represent internal frameworks by which we can assess the legitimacy of an action or scenario.

 Ti represents an impersonal, logical framework by which one can gauge accuracy (or lack thereof). In contrast, Fi supplies a framework that is primarily values driven and is highly personal in its nature.  Both Ti and Fi are deliberative functions in the sense that their purpose (irrespective of which one is predominantly used) is to deliberate in an inward manner as to the logical or ethical validity of a given action, word, or deed.  To apply this assessment successfully can serve as a mark of ‘intelligence’ in the sense of having this capacity to apply some modality/framework of ‘reasoning’ (logical or ethical) towards any given scenario. It is in the direct utilization of such reasoning modalities that an individual’s capacity to intelligently deliberate over life’s core philosophical questions fully emerges.

In contrast to the implicit logical and/or personal frameworks that formulate Ti and Fi, their extroverted judging counterparts, Te and Fe, are considered functions that pertain more towards a broader sense of ‘wisdom’.  Both of these functions are considered interfacing functions, which are all about handling and approaching dynamic changes on the fly for a given emerging situation.

Te entails approaching a dynamic, logistical, and impersonal operation in a way that ensures that its final outcome is handled smoothly and effectively.  Likewise, Fe is all about handing a dynamic interpersonal situation in a manner that actively considers and adapts to the needs and priorities of those directly involved.

The reason why these two cognitive functions are associated with ‘wisdom’ is based on their complex and multifaceted manner of approaching each situation in real-time.  Handling them effectively requires an approach that is able to discriminate wisely between those areas that require immediate attention versus other areas that might not be as pivotal. This is certainly non-trivial and requires top-notch logistical and/or interpersonal instincts.

Ideally the typology community will continue to evolve a language like this for cognitive functions that will help eliminate cognitive bias.

Within the INFJ, the function of ‘introverted feeling’ (Fi) plays this highly unique role.  On one hand, it is not one of this type’s four conscious/valued functions. On the other hand, as an ‘intuitive feeler’, INFJ will not exactly have a foreign relationship to it (to say the least).  Given its strong, yet unvalued role within the psyche of the INFJ, it would be wise for them to tap into the energy of Fi, because throughout the course of the INFJ’s life, they are bound to have intimate interactions with it.

The best way to understand how Fi fits within the context of an INFJ is to contrast this function with Fe and Ni, two functions that INFJs will naturally use quite often.  In fact, it would even be perceivable for INFJ’s understanding of Fi to serve as a growing edge for them in terms of how the feeling function can be optimally utilized when interacting with others.

Fi in contrast to Fe

An appropriate initial focal point in terms of viewing INFJ’s relationship to Fi is in contrast to its corresponding relationship to Fe.  As the auxiliary/tool function, INFJs have a tendency to care very much about how they are perceived by others in terms of the impacts that they make in the outside world.  They are typically friendly, caring and sociable individuals when they tap into their Fe. They will tend to be very attentive to others’ needs and agendas and may have a tendency to at times view their own direct needs as somewhat of a blind spot.  

The Fi cognitive function cares very much about being attentive and receptive to their own internal values and priorities. As a result, it takes a highly specific psychological state for the INFJ’s unconscious Fi to become illuminated to such an extent where they have to pay attention to their own values and priorities above their natural proclivity to turn towards Fe.  Often, this comes at times when they feel like an outsider by virtue of being isolated, left out or shut out, rejected, or betrayed. At times like those, while they may want to reflexively seek the approval of others, they may feel a greater need to fend for themselves and to provide a sense of inner support. However, because of this tendency to watch how they are perceived by the people close to them, they feel torn in their capacity to assert or defend themselves.  As a result, the usage of Fi by the INFJ is often fraught with a sense of deep melancholy and sadness. How they can choose to convert this state into a growing edge will be discussed below.

Fi in contrast to Ni

Another function to compare to in terms of understanding what Fi means to the INFJ would be to compare it to their dominant function of Ni.  The Ni of INFJs is all about distilling the essential, emergent truth in a manner that is observant of the events around them and is able to appropriately ‘fill in the blanks’ based on the signals and data (whether overt or hidden) that they are able to read and interpret.  

While emotional content can at times mix into the emergent outcomes that Ni identifies, this cognitive function at its core does not necessarily have its roots within the emotional realm.

In contrast, Fi explores and excavates the emotional content of the self in order to tap into one’s core values and internal feelings. To this end, INFJs will not tend (as much as other types) to tap into their internal feeling states.  In fact, they often serve as a blind spot. Rather, as Ni types, in more of a neutral, observational sense, they will tend to watch the trajectory of their own thought processes as a means towards capturing a wider sense of truth.

However, there are times in the INFJ’s life when they simply have to excavate into the deep recesses of their internal feelings and emotional content. This often needs to happen during states of loneliness, sadness, vulnerability, and other challenging states for INFJs to be immersed in.  Thus, even when they feel like they will not need to directly access their Fi, life will sometimes grant them a harsh reality that forces them to encounter this function.

INFJ’s in an Fi state and the growth that can emerge

In order for INFJs to properly access their Fi, they will have to encounter many raw truths about themselves.  They can come to the realization that others’ approval will not always save them from times of intense despair.  They also will need to realize that at times, they will have to build strong boundaries for themselves so that others will not harm them in significant ways.  At times like these, simply relying on their Fe function will not do them any good, since at these times, it will be more important to preserve their own self value and integrity, which Fi can naturally do quite effectively.  In addition, the INFJ will likely be in a state of Fi-driven vulnerability and sadness, which makes it quite challenging for the individual to adequately navigate through. At the same time, coping with ways to deal with these Fi vulnerabilities may very well serve the INFJ well over the long term.

While in this state, it is of paramount importance that the INFJ respects themselves and has intense self compassion.  After all, to handle these particular times well, an acceptance of their emotional and psychological state is pivotal. Also, it is important for them to be content regarding situations where they may need to extricate themselves from responding to or being around people who may expect them to respond in an Fe manner.  If their Ni is guiding them that they are being overwhelmed by a given interpersonal situation, that is an important warning signal that is likely in their best interest to heed.

It is important in these vulnerable periods that they do not act or respond too impulsively in a way that overcompensates for their deep desire to temporarily separate from the given situation.  It is likely better to ride out the storm by going inward and to take substantial time to try to regain their sense of equanimity, and to do this with a lot of self acceptance and self love. Then, once they feel a bit more ready to return to an outward Fe-driven state, they can do this in a graceful manner.

By having INFJs tap into their Fi function, they can access their sense of internal self worth.  It basically allows them to put greater emphasis on putting themselves first, which (by having Fe valued and Fi not as valued) can come quite difficulty for these individuals.  

By learning and growing in these seemingly vulnerable, yet transformative situations, they learn how to adapt their natural Fe to exhibit acceptable interpersonal boundaries.  By successfully accomplishing this, they will be able to discriminate more effectively between people and situations that are beneficial for everyone involved and those that simply are not.  In a nutshell, using Fi awareness to allow the INFJ to take the time to care for their own needs, priorities, and values will naturally facilitate an important shift towards greater empowerment in their lives.